Hopalong Cassidy

[Texas] ... state rules prohibit the creation of a statewide database showing customers’ payment histories ... [so] ... thousands of "energy hoppers" are skipping out on electricity bills and signing up with new providers.

And don't forget : the $3 Trillion Man is from Texas.
Well ... almost.

Brain Freeze

Today, Canada's prime minster said : "An increase in international shipping through the Arctic raises the potential for accidents, smuggling, illegal immigration and even threats to national security."

This man has got to be clinically insane. On the Arctic Ocean's shoreline sits the village of Inuvik, 2000 kilometers north of Edmonton.

Is this mental defective actually trying to make us believe somebody would stow away on a ship, hop off and then make his way across 2000 kilometers of the most frigid, empty and hostile terrain on Earth, just to smuggle in a pound of pot or collect a welfare cheque?! Canadians are batshiat crazy [?!] if they buy into any more of this government's bullshit.

Virgin Forest

"She's not there just for me, she's there to share," said the sober non-wacko who wants to share his neighbour's wood virgin ... "In terms of authenticating it, that's not something we would generally do," said the Archdiocese of Toronto, more apt to steal virginity than protect it.

It's starting to sound like Florida around here.

SWEET Lord Jesus ... ! ... ?

5

Um... the second one has a penis.

Posted by: Amanda at August 17, 2008 06:18 PM

Dead Zone Earth

Man-made pollution is spreading a growing number of suffocating dead zones across the world's seas ... some 405 [were] recorded in coastal waters worldwide in 2007 [and these] regions of critically low oxygen now affect a combined area the size of New Zealand.

Not to worry : dead zones are good news compared to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, which is twice the size of the continental United States.

(Independent Graphics)

No Shit

A giant inflatable dog turd brought down a power line after being blown away from a Swiss museum. The artwork, entitled Complex Shit, was carried 200 metres ...

-BBC

Cha-Ching

Two-thirds of U.S. corporations paid no federal income taxes between 1998 and 2005, according to a new report from Congress ...

And in 2005, something ridiculous like 38,000 foreign corporations "had no tax liability" either. So it looks like after all these centuries the churches finally have some competition in the race to be named Greatest Freeloader of all time.

Sweet Lord Jesus

This sign wants you to :
(a) join this Church
(b) join another Church
(c) join the Catholic clergy
(d) join the Boy Scouts

More signs at Holy Taco.

Not Another One

This isn't funny. First George Carlin, now Bernie Mac.

Our Finest Moment

The atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a criminal act on an epic scale.

-John Pilger

And Sober Up Too, Rummies

As if Britain didn't have enough to worry about, what with its obese children and all, now they're hoping a pill can help them "stop binge-drinking."

Good luck and let me know how it turns ... what? Of course I'll drink to that.

Shape Up Fatheads

Parents will receive official letters telling them if their children are too fat under a government initiative to tackle childhood obesity, according to Britain's Guardian.

Maybe the British should hire a researcher or two because we've got ... two pills that reproduce many of the biological benefits of exercise, helping cells burn fat better and boosting endurance ... so the Nanny State doesn't have to go needlessly chopping down acres of rainforest to notify parents of something they already know.

* [Update : Fat children ‘should be taken from parents’ to curb obesity epidemic]