Friday, November 21, 2008

The Butt Stops Here

It was a good run, but[t] it's the end of the line for a story we've been following with glee since 2007. In Valentine, a remote Nebraska town of about 2,600, police arrested a 35-year-old man suspected of greasing his ass and/or groin with petroleum jelly and/or lotion before imprinting said slathered appendages and/or orifices into the windows of local stores, churches, hotels and/or schools.

"This isn't normal behavior for Valentine," said Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott. "It's an embarrassment for the hardworking people who live here." I wonder if the authorities were alert enough to put the Buttcheek Bandito in a windowless cell?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Location Location Location ...

Real estate prices in your neighbourhood dropping like a stone? Of course they are. But remember, when it comes to investing in real estate there's more to think about than just housing.

Where will you be spending the sweet hereafter ... in the upscale part of town with weekly hedge trimmings and round-the-clock security? Or will your precious remains be profaned, mixed into the concrete of a support column for a highway exit ramp? Well, have no fear. For the paltry sum of $9,995 Celestis will bury
a one gram portion of your cremated remains on the moon.

Weekly landscaping charges not included.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Best Democracy Ever

So you think Barack Obama's victory was historic? Puuuhleeez!

RABBIT HASH, Ky - Lucy Lou was elected mayor on Tuesday. The border collie beat out another dog, Toby, and a cat ... All told, 10 dogs, one cat, one possum, one donkey and one person vied for the top spot ...

Saturday, November 01, 2008

The Chicken And The Eggs

Which came first, the chicken or the egg ... or the other egg? ... because a second, normal-sized egg popped out of a giant egg laid by a chicken raised at a high school in Japan.