Monday, March 30, 2009

Darwin's Progeny

This year's top three finishers in the Tourism Edition of the Darwin Awards are ...

Gold : "
My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Silver : "
No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

Bronze : "
It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home."

Click here for the complete list of these genetic defectives.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Spellcheck Please

That Facebook group should read "I Hate Jews" not "I Heart Jews." Our bad.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

High School Hijinks

For all those high school students who need help landing that elusive suspension : you might want to try handing out Viagra to male pupils or repeatedly passing gas to make it difficult to breathe.

And don't forget to save some for your meeting in the principal's office if you need an extra week off.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

"Luckily the horse did not chew up or swallow his testicle, but spit it onto the pavement."

Yes, luckily.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

In God We Trust

A group of Toronto scientists have found the effect God has on a believer's brain. "The more they believe, the less brain activity we see" in the anterior cingulate cortex, a part of the brain that is involved in the experience of anxiety and helps modify behaviour.

So let's sum up : the initial error shuts off the part of the brain used to correct error, making it easier for people to dismiss error, which compounds uncorrected errors, leading back to the initial error in search of relief from the horrors created by all those uncorrected errors.

Well, at least that explains away the atomic bomb.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

So Near And Yet So Far ...

On Monday an asteroid passed 72,000 kilometres from the Earth at 8:34 a.m. ET, according to NASA's Near Earth Object program.

Too bad. Just think of all the problems a collision would have solved.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Captain! Captain! Who's At The Controls?

Last Friday NPR reported that the US government promised to buy up to 36 percent of Citigroup's common shares in its latest effort to help the troubled bank. You really do have to wonder who's at the controls of the USS Marty Farty because less than a week earlier the Consumerist had this story :

37-year-old Nigerian scammer Paul Gabriel Amos convinced Citibank officials to wire him $27 million belonging to Ethiopia. Amos forged "official-looking" documents that confirmed his status with the central bank and instructed Citibank to await faxes telling them where to send the country's cash.

Should investor confidence really improve upon finding out the FBI arrested Amos when he tried to visit Los Angeles and that eventually Citibank sent the $27 million back to Ethopia ... ?