Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Green Bombs And Greasy Palms

... scientists in Germany to make safer, more environmentally friendly explosives ... less apt to explode accidentally than conventional explosives.

That book-ends nicely with the German government's recent announcment it will spend a billion Euros between now and 2013 to protect the biodiversity of tropical forests.*

* [If Germany's good intentions at all resemble those of the man shaking Angela Merkel's hand in this photo taken at the biodiversity summit in Bonn, then their tropical benefactors might want to consider asking that the environmentally friendly explosives be dropped on them instead : that way they'll get less snake oil on their clothing.]

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Half Empty ... ?

... a handful of schools nationwide have set off an emotional academic debate by giving minimum scores of 50 for students who fail.

It's a classic mathematical dilemma : students have a six times greater chance of getting an F ... because other letter grades — A, B, C and D — are broken down in increments of 10, but there is a 59-point spread between D and F.

Half-wits. Fully crazy.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Mickey Mouse Mayhem

Disneyland-Style Theme Park Set for Baghdad ...

Honest to God

'Nuff said.

Friday, May 16, 2008


Try to follow the logic at work here :

Florida is one of about 20 states with no specific law prohibiting people to have sex with animals

2. Man repeatedly performed sexual acts with two black-and-tan German shepherds

3. No arrest had been made by Wednesday evening but "an ongoing investigation" is under way

... so, although having sex with a dog is legal in Florida, living "in open adultery" is not ... so, if you have sex with more than one dog, isn't that adultery? Or at the very least bigamy? ... so, there's your investigation. Right? Well, what about charging buddy with sexual assault? Get serious would you! Everybody knows how tough it is convincing dogs to testify in court. Right? Wrong.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Beam Me Up Scotty

Chief Vatican astronomer Father Gabriel Funes said intelligent beings created by God could exist in outer space. He also speculated "some could even be free from original sin."

... I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Some Cheese With Your Whine, Sir?

82-year-old Frank Lasser was zapped three times on the torso by a police stun gun while lying on his hospital bed. The RCMP "should have known I had bypass surgery," he told the CBC.

Get with the program, old dude ... it's your responsibility to inform them you don't need defibrillation when they bust into your room.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Latest In JackAssery

Photobombing n 1. The fine art of ruining other people's photographs n 2. The utterly pointless act of attaching printed photographs to public places, objects and buildings for random strangers to find

Your impulse to rebrand has yet again gone way overboard, people. What was wrong with the traditional, sufficiently descriptive "jackass" label?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

NewsFlash : Harry Potter Impersonator Fired

Supervisor of Substitute Teachers : Jim, we have a huge issue ... You can't take any more assignments.

Substitute Teacher : Can you explain this to me?

Supervisor of Substitute Teachers : You've been accused of wizardry.

Evidently Jim Piculas got fired after making a toothpick disappear then reappear in front of a classroom.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

They Don't Build 'Em Like They Used To

Martin Turner had a fascination for workmen wearing big boots ... pleaded guilty to four offences of harassment ... all the workmen received numerous texts asking what kind of boots they had on and requesting they stand on his fingers, face and genitals with their boots.

The sun has indeed set on Britain's empire when their construction workers can't handle an unwanted massage request without getting magistrates involved.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Réseau Public Perdu?

Des milliers de personnes ont défilé dans les rues de Montréal, samedi, pour manifester leur appui au système de santé public. La marche était organisée par une coalition regroupant une cinquantaine d'organismes provenant de différents milieux, par exemple syndical, communautaire, étudiant et féministe. Selon la Fédération des travailleurs du Québec (FTQ), 50 000 personnes ont pris part à la marche ...

Les manifestants s'inquiètent de la place grandissante du privé dans le système de santé. Selon eux, cette situation mènera inévitablement à un système de santé à deux vitesses qui favorisera les riches au détriment des pauvres.

Selon le Canada anglais par contre, tout va bien. Continuez comme d'habitude ... maudits anglais!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Reach Out And Touch Something

Speaking of rape and the "outrageous violation" of sanity, check out 48-year-old Ross Cradock :

A man who gained worldwide fame after claiming he had been raped by a wombat says the story would have been more interesting if he'd been drinking.

Only if the wombat was sober enough to insist on wearing a rubber.