God Save [Us From] The Queen

There will be no kiss during the wedding ceremony ... We don't do that in the Church of England.(Image: Castle Rock Brewery)

Luckily, an India Pale Ale has been brewed in honour of the royal wedding : Arise Prince Willy wants to take the wheels off the royal wedding bandwagon ... A beer should be brewed with a purpose, not just because some toffs are getting married ... The Royal Virility Performance is the perfect antidote to all the hype ...

Indeed. Thou might also wisheth to send thy fair princess away for lessons in the physicalities of love ... as a virginly English matron, she shall rightly require some assistance. Quite so, quite so old chap.

(Press Association via AP Images)