Trans[cendental] Fats

Salt Lake City, the capital of the Mormon stronghold of Utah, has some real issues with fatty foods. A man who tried to get walk-up service at the drive-through window of a Burger King was told by staff "they didn't serve pedestrians at the window." So he responded as any sane person would. He

...beat on the glass and then stepped to a nearby pay phone in sight of the staff...called police, made a bomb threat on the Burger King and was arrested a few minutes later on suspicion of making a bomb threat.

Had he worked at the Garner Funeral Home, however, he would probably have run screaming to the nearest vegan deli:

Fire officials said a six-hundred pound man was being cremated when his body fluids were too much for the oven. The body fluids seeped out onto the floor and ignited, causing a fire.

"Those fluids can be very flammable," said Scott Freitag of the Salt Lake City fire department. "Sort of like a grease fire."

Hell-fire preview?