Rugburned

McMINNVILLE, Or. - "This unique work of art is very important, personal and irreplaceable to the artist," Michael Dressel, director of Linfield Campus Safety, said in a press release.

Staff and students are offering a $500 reward for the return of "The Sexy Sex: All Nude Revue Rug One," a supine, life-size self-portrait made of one-inch thick wool.

Don't wipe your feet on it, Mr. Thief.
Please.